Yesterday

A tragedy...
I was flipping through Yahoo news when I saw the headline "Tragedy in CT" I read the article briefly as Abi had just awoken from her nap. I scooped her up and hugged her so tight she began to protest. My husband heard about it at work and when he came home he said "you'll never guess what happened.." and I told him I knew and we sat and held Abi and tried to make sense of it all. My dad took his own life when I was 16 and I have never been able to wrap my mind around why someone would do such a thing, hurt so many people and not try to get help. I am grateful that dad didn't take anyone else with him.. but I still don't understand why he had to go. Just like I don't understand why on earth a 20 year old man would walk into a school of beautiful, innocent children and open fire. It sickens me to the core to think we have people like this and worse among us. It makes me leery of everyone around me and my daughter. It forces me to reconsider home schooling (we had decided against it as we were afraid the lack of socialization would isolate Abi and make her for lack of a better word, weird. Not that all home schooled kids are weird...! But my husband is such a loner that I'm afraid Abi will be too, and I enjoy my friends too much to think of Abi not having any.) But I would take a socially awkward and alive kid over a social butterfly who is dead. I'm rambling, but I just don't know what else to say or how else to say that I don't get people in this world anymore. I miss my childhood and the carefree, innocence that I once had. Hopefully I will be able to allow Abi to be innocent and naive for a long long time.