The job hunt

So I have been graduated since May and I have had 4 interviews for jobs in my field. Each time I felt I interviewed better than the last (practice makes perfect) and after the 2nd I felt I'd gotten the next.. then when I didn't get it I thought I got the last.. and I haven't. At this point I am so discouraged that I haven't been hired for even a per diem position (on call, less than part time mostly) and I feel absolutely useless in this household. Hubby worries about money. Not that we're in dire straights or anything, but he wants to cut some corners so that we still have that safety net should, God forbid, anything happen. But the more he tells me we need to "stop spending on X" the worse I feel that we can't keep spending on the things we've become accustomed to. Our biggest expenditure is our grocery bill, and I've been trying to coupon to help save some money but I'm not very good at it. And really, we don't use 90% of the stuff the coupons are for so why use them at all? But really, hubby buys name brand stuff and doesn't really price compare and it drives me insane! He's usually the only one who goes to the grocery store (since I have no income to go spend) and so I can't police his purchases... But of course he's not fully to blame. We as a family waste too much food. So many left overs go uneaten and we have such a hard time scaling our cooking down to reasonable 4 portion meals. Which is funny but it's not. We've always cooked that way, even when there were just two of us.. but now with Abi we want dinner for her and leftovers for her lunch the next day. But we usually end up with about 6 servings and no one eats the rest... it's just awful! But we're working on it, which is good. It's just something I'll have to work harder at since I'm not working. I guess my job now is to try to save us as much money as I can. But I'm not happy being a stay at home mom, I want to go out and work and utilize my degree. The last 4 years is a waste until I obtain gainful employment. I feel useless because I'm not working and bringing money into this house. Hubby says I'm not useless, and that he and Abi know my worth. But I need to have my own money. Money doesn't define me, I know this. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm living with my father instead of my husband.. having to ask permission to buy something or ask for money to reimburse the emergency milk/last minute dinner prep I had to buy.  I haven't had to ask for money since sophomore year in high school before I got my first job. This is really hard for me. And now it's to the point where I have to start applying for any job, just so that I have money coming in. Because there is so little in my bank account I now worry about overdrawing when I have to buy gas. I hate it, and it isn't that I'm not trying to find work.

I've applied to every ultrasound job I can feasibly drive to from my home. Most want me to live within 30 minutes of the hospital, so I can take call. That's fine, there just isn't a very high demand in my area. I feel like I went into the wrong field of medicine, but I know I could have never been a nurse. They put up with way too much  crap. Plus I love ultrasound, I just don't know if it's going to be what I end up doing. I'm even thinking about going back to school just so that I'm doing something.. but that means more student loans and I just can't add to that right now. (that's yet another bill hubby pays for me, and it makes me feel like crap, because it's not his debt it's mine) And now I'm rambling so I need to take a break and form a coherent thought before I continue.. so it's off to check on dinner!

My experience with the Paraguard IUD

I want to start by saying I appreciate you reading my blog. I have been out of the habit of writing for a while and if you're still around checking in on me, I am grateful. This post however, will be a little TMI and a little personal and if you didn't want to ready about my IUD before, then this post is probably not going to interest you. I keep this blog as a journal for myself, as much as I like to blog for others, and read others blogs. So anyway I appreciate you reading, but if you don't read this one I'll understand. ;)



I got my IUD about a year and a half ago. In the beginning I really like it. No pills, no condoms no hormones. It was the Paraguard IUD and since it's copper there were very little side effects. Then about 3 months after having it put in I started spotting in between periods. Nothing major, nothing my Dr. was worried about, but enough to make me feel icky and keep me and hubby from being intimate. After a few months of that, it became more of an every other week thing.. I'd spot for a week, be okay for a few days then spot some more. Eventually I was bleeding more than not and I finally got to the point I'd had enough. My Dr. removed it at the end of September and I haven't had an issue with spotting since. I am so happy I finally got it taken out but then it leaves us in a bit of a conundrum.. we are not ready to expand our family just yet.. and I am not going back on hormonal birth control. It was a horrendous feeling, I hated that it made it almost impossible to lose weight and not to mention that hbc puts you a greater risk for some cancers. So to condoms we go.. again.. sadly. I miss my IUD only in that it allowed greater spontaneity and passion, but only that one day a month when I wasn't bleeding. In the past year we've only been intimate I'd say about 12 times.. yeah that's not good.. so really I guess I don't miss it all that much. But now hubby's on the "I hate condoms" kick. But only in that we've had a pregnancy "scare" (and I use that term gently because I know it is a struggle for some to conceive, and I don't want to upset anyone) and he is afraid that a condom will fail. So we're almost back to not being intimate again because hubby is afraid of us getting pregnant. I am at a loss. I think eventually he will get over it but geese.. I just want to be a married couple again.