Merry Christmas!

We had an eventful Christmas eve, starting with my husband not wanting to take Abi anywhere. Mainly because she's just getting over being sick... We *almost* always go to my uncles for Christmas eve.. Well there has been a ton of animosity since my grandfather passed away between my husband and my family. It's a long story that I'll get into later.. anyway I ended up crying and bawling and we talked and he finally decided he'd be okay with us all going. Well we went and had a great time! I am so glad we went and that everything turned out alright. There are some issues that still need to be ironed out, and we're working on them slowly... but again that's for another post! For now, here is a sneak peak of our Christmas!

Okay this was the day before Christmas eve, Abi's 9 month birthday! Lol

We let her open a gift early.. and she just loved the wrapping paper!

See, no interest in her toy! My child entirely! :)

RAD

Reactive Airway Disease. It's a term that's overused like colic. But apparently Abi has it. Whatever it is exactly. I've been Googleing and talking to my friends with kids who have it but I'm still in the dark about what exactly it is. I mean I know the definition, but what I want to know is what it means for me and my kid. That's all yet to be seen because we have to go through the trial and error of which meds help and such. Ugh. My poor baby. I hate seeing her sick, I hate having to medicate her because she's sick. I feel like I'm feeding her poison.. little bodies can't tolerate so much crap. I'm not stopping her meds, but I don't like giving them to her. I don't like taking medication myself. I don't know where I'm going with this... to be honest I just want it to all go away. Especially with Christmas coming...




By the way, what's the worst reason to not have more kids you've ever heard??? I'll explain this question later...

Yesterday

A tragedy...
I was flipping through Yahoo news when I saw the headline "Tragedy in CT" I read the article briefly as Abi had just awoken from her nap. I scooped her up and hugged her so tight she began to protest. My husband heard about it at work and when he came home he said "you'll never guess what happened.." and I told him I knew and we sat and held Abi and tried to make sense of it all. My dad took his own life when I was 16 and I have never been able to wrap my mind around why someone would do such a thing, hurt so many people and not try to get help. I am grateful that dad didn't take anyone else with him.. but I still don't understand why he had to go. Just like I don't understand why on earth a 20 year old man would walk into a school of beautiful, innocent children and open fire. It sickens me to the core to think we have people like this and worse among us. It makes me leery of everyone around me and my daughter. It forces me to reconsider home schooling (we had decided against it as we were afraid the lack of socialization would isolate Abi and make her for lack of a better word, weird. Not that all home schooled kids are weird...! But my husband is such a loner that I'm afraid Abi will be too, and I enjoy my friends too much to think of Abi not having any.) But I would take a socially awkward and alive kid over a social butterfly who is dead. I'm rambling, but I just don't know what else to say or how else to say that I don't get people in this world anymore. I miss my childhood and the carefree, innocence that I once had. Hopefully I will be able to allow Abi to be innocent and naive for a long long time.

Yeah well.. thanks for nothing.

Apparently my husbands work was grossly mistaken about the health insurance policy that "covers" weight loss help. They in fact do not cover any kind of weight loss help. They used to offer something but it was so minimal that it got dropped all together and just did not remove the information from their slideshow/pamphlets etc. And here I thought I was getting an extra special Christmas gift. Ugh.

New tricks

I was going to wait until her 9 month post, but I am too excited! Abi has added a few new things to her list of things she can do. She is now clapping, raising her arms when we say "up" and using the pincer grasp to feed herself puffs! Of course, she needs more practice with the pincer grasp, but she's getting there! Oh, she's also waving, but not usually at any of us, just randomly lol. I have found her trying to get up on her knees a lot more now, once I caught her rocking on her knees in her crib. Though she wasn't up on her hands, more elbows/face than anything, lol. I think we'll have a crawler by the time I return to school in January. Crazy to think my baby will be crawling! It's crazy to think she's almost 9 months old too! How time flies. It makes me sad and makes me want another baby... but not just yet. I want more time with my little angel first.

I made Abi's first Christmas ornament! I hope to make her a different one every year!

I finally found it! I have been looking in every store since October!

Little miss booty. She's been kind of hanging out like this a lot. Not on her back or tummy, just her side.. lol

"UP!" 

Abi is now eating sweet potato and peas like they are going out of style. In addition to that and avocado, acorn squash and bananas Abi has added pears and plain whole milk yogurt to her list of yummy foods. She also gets organic puffs, tho once she's better at chewing I think we'll transition to plain Cheerios. It's cheaper and I think they're good enough to give her. heh. Oh my gosh, we've got so much to look forward to in the next few weeks! I can't wait for my baby girls first Christmas and New Years (even though I know she'll be asleep by 7!) I am not looking forward to being treated like crap because my daughter has separation/stranger anxiety and is on a schedule. Long story, and I'm not sure if I've written about it before, but I'll definitely be doing a post here soon. Anyway, just a quick update on my little miss.

OH! I got two B's and an A this semester. Passed two finals with A's and got a C on my physics final, but who cares because I passed! :) Phew!

abnormally fussy

So Abi has not exactly been herself lately. This past weekend she's been only a little fussier than normal, but has taken 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps twice a day, on top of sleeping for 11-12 hours at night. I figured it was part of a growth spurt, as she doesn't seem to be sick. Today has been nothing but fussing or what I call "baby bitching"... She's not crying (most of the time) just whining. She's been rubbing her eyes since she got up, but only took a 15 minute nap about 9:30. Now she's finally back down, but I wonder for how long. She obviously needs the sleep, but she's fighting it all of a sudden and I have no idea why. I miss my relatively happy baby. :( And if the people upstairs wake her up before she's ready I'm going up there with my screaming baby and the apartment manager.

Pinterest yummies

Sweet and sour crock pot pork with home made "fried" rice. Delicious!!!

A prayer answered..?

So apparently my husband's health insurance covers weight loss help 100%. Like at a medical weight loss clinic. We just found this out today, and as soon as we get some more details I am going for it! I wish we had known about it sooner, but now maybe I can finally get help and gt the weight off for good.

Pity party

This is so sad but true, I've gained all the weight I lost after having Abi (and then some). I think I've put on 22 lbs total... which is bringing me dangerously close to my heaviest weight ever (too heavy for my small 5'3" body) And I hate the way I look. My hips are wider from giving birth, so even the pants that used to fit me when I was at my heaviest do not fit. It makes me mad at myself for doing so well while pregnant and then throwing it all away and eating like crap for the past 8 months. I have  lose weight. Not just for me but for my family. I want to be healthy inside and out, but I am lazy. Driving to Tim Horton's for breakfast is so much faster and easier than making something at home. Especially since Abi is content in her new carseat, whereas if I tried to make eggs or something at home she would want to be held/entertained (she's teething again I believe, that or she's getting sick so she's more clingy than normal) I was so "deprived" during my pregnancy of the sugary yumminess and carbs (I had gestational diabetes if you remember) that I went completely overboard. And I am having the hardest time stopping. Especially with the holidays. I don't want to be deprived of all the wonderful holiday food, and in my mind, there's no reason to start dieting now since it's all going to be undone with the Christmas celebrations. Yes that is how I think. Every week is "one more week and then I'll do better." I just can't seem to kick the regular pop and comfort foods. It's ridiculous honestly. I know I can do it, I did it when I was pregnant. I was on such a schedule and ate so well that I lost weight or maintained until my last 2 weeks of pregnancy. Even then I think I only gained like 2 lbs. Plus I was so scared that I'd hurt my precious baby by screwing up my sugar that I forced myself to behave. And I didn't have to take insulin because of it. I almost wish I was pregnant again so that I had to watch what I ate. In my mind there is no try when it comes to being pregnant... If you are told "eat this way or bad things could happen to your baby" it's a heck of an incentive to eat right. Whereas hearing "eat this way or bad things could happen to you" is, to me at least, less of an incentive because I am making up my own mind to take the risks. Babies should not be punished for the sins of their parents, and so I ate what I was supposed to and exercised for my unborn daughter. Now.... I don't have time to exercise, or so I tell myself. I'd rather spend the time playing with Abi. Or reading. Or on Facebook or playing a game on my tablet. It's all so convenient to say "tomorrow will be better, I will eat better." That tomorrow never comes, so now I am stuck looking at my closet full of over sized sweatshirts and nothing that fits to wear for Christmas. It's an awful feeling. I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes what I see disgusts me. I have never felt that way before. I do not feel as heavy as I look. I used to be 134lbs in high school. Not super skinny, but I wore a size 7/8 sometimes 10. I'd give almost anything to get back there again. But I have to put in the work and trouble is... the laziness. I have never wanted something so badly but not wanted to put in the work for it. My hubby says I must not want to lose weight since I don't try very hard. I don't know ... I wish it were easy, it was easy for him. He went from 290 to 230 over the past couple years (he's 6'6" so 230 looks awesome on him) He cut out meat and pop for a year or so, and worked out on an elliptical a few times a week. Really that's it. He's maintaining because he does a lot of walking at work so he works off just about everything he eats. High metabolisms make me sick, lol. I had my thyroid scanned the other day, it looks normal. I know looks and function are very separate  but at the current time I don't have a reason to have a nuclear med test done to check out if it's working right or not. That could explain why it's been so hard for me to lose weight all my life. But probably not. I'm addicted to carbs and sweets and all the stuff I shouldn't have. That's what it is, I'm sure. I lost my biggest amount of weight between 7th grade and freshman year. In that time I basically starved myself, I drank slimfast 2x a day and ate salads for dinner if my family forced me to eat something. I walked on a treadmill while listening to music and singing, it was fun. But I don't remember being hungry... I've tried that since then (minus the hours on a treadmill, I haven't had time for that, but I have exercised) and I am starving all day. I don't get it. Not to mention my sugar levels go all wacky and I get light headed. Not good. :Sigh: At some point I will have to lose weight. I will get so fed up that I will make an honest effort. I hope it doesn't happen too late. I want to eat healthy for my daughter, to show her how. Problem is, I'm not quite sure how to eat healthy and still be satisfied. Oh I can eat a bucket of carrots and be "full"... just not satisfied. Maybe once I'm out of school and working I'll look into a dietitian. That's an awful long way away though....

P.S. I'm transitioning my background/blog style... trying to find the right combo and make it festive. Bear with me.. lol

Happy Birthday to me and other photos

So I just turned 25 + 4... EEK! LOL Here are a few pics of my life since then :)

Me and my lil miss at lunch on my birthday!

And of course she smiled for hubby's pic!

Our Elf on the Shelf, Hollie-Dae Joy!

Abi's new carseat, this one is a monster, but looks so comfy!

My haul from our local kids resale shop! The two things I'm most excited for are the light pink sweater and the pink coat with colored buttons! So soft and so cute!

Finally got our tree up!

Had to take a pic sans flash :)

So there you have the last week or so in pictures. Happy December!