Happies and crappies

AHA!! I finally figured out how to do this "button" thing! Wooooohooooooo! :) SO I don't follow the original blog, but I do follow Ali over at Chasing Moonlight and Roses and she posted about her "Happies and Crappies" as of late. So feeling kind of crappy lately I figured I could get everything crappy off of my chest and try to focus on some happies to cheer me up! Here we go!
Crappies:

• Abi doesn't nap at daycare very well, and it makes her super irritable when we get home. Then because she's over tired she won't nap (plus by then it's so late if I put her down she'll think it's bed time.. not good) This makes me cranky!
• My friends and family are all suddenly blaming me for "keeping them out" of Abi's life. I'm sorry, when did the telephone only work one way? I've been busy with being a wife/mother/student and haven't really given much thought to anything else for a while. Selfish? Maybe, but I am trying to be the best wife/mom/student I can. That's a lot on my plate, cut me some slack!
• I am not doing so well with my Weight Watchers lately. I'm back on track as of this week, but that's after I put 3lbs back on.. ugh. Losing weight is hard!
• It's been super awful having hubby on the night shift lately, especially with Abi not feeling well/not napping. He's sleeping during the day so I have no help with her, and I find myself getting frustrated {at} her. I can't be frustrated with her, she's just a baby and doesn't know any better.. it doesn't make it any easier. I have yelled at her (not like scream yell... ) and I'm not proud of it. And I've had to take a few time outs for myself, which I hate because I can't go anywhere and I hear her crying and that makes me feel worse. But just so you know, I have never ever hit her. I would never do that, I would rather her cry a bit while I composed myself in another room than to ever let it get so bad.
• I am taking Abi to my aunt and uncles for Easter today and I am NOT looking forward to it. I haven't looked forward to a holiday in a long while. :(
• Abi has a citrus sensitivity. :(

Ok on to Happies!

• Abi is one!! She is cruising and babbling and oh so much fun these days! (when she's rested of course!) I can't wait to see what this next year will bring!
• I am getting excited for my clinicals to start in June! I was reassigned after my original hospital decided they didn't want a student for the summer, but the new hospital is only 15 minutes away! As opposed to an hour drive! I am ecstatic!
• I have found a tv show that I am super addicted to! It's called Once Upon A Time and I really enjoy it. 
• I finally asked my Dr. for a referral to a psychologist. I need to get my mood disorder looked into. If anything I can work through some of my issues and will hopefully be able to better myself for my family. Yes, this is a happy because I'm finally taking that step after so long. 
• Yesterday while in the baby isle I was looking for Boogie wipes (love them!) and this lady gave me a stack of coupons! She said she wouldn't use them and since they expired that day if I could use them to help myself. Well, one of the coupons was for a Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Puppy, $5 off! I've been wanting to get Abi one since Christmas. They were on sale at Target for $15 so I got it for only $10!!! 
• 
  

I have the most beautiful little girl! How can you not be happy when you look at that smiling face!??!

Better late than never!

Well, I decided to hold off on Abi's 12 month post until her 12 month check up today. She's growing right on track! Here are her specs lol;

Height: 30 1/4 inches tall! 90th percentile for height!
Weight: 19 lbs 11.8 oz about 55%
Wearing: 12 month onsies and pants with a few 18 month things thrown in. Oh and size 2 shoes! We just got a windfall from a friend of mine, 3 boxes of 18 month summer stuff! I am so excited and grateful for her generosity!
Abi has 4 teeth, the two bottom middle and two upper canines. The front upper two are working their way out and we hope to see them soon!
She was taking really good naps, at least 2 a day, but when we mess with her schedule even a little... everything is thrown off. Yesterday she took a 25 minute nap at daycare and that was it! Needless to say she went to bed early and had a terrible night. So right now I'm trying to get her down for her second nap.. she took about an hour after her dr appointment but she's still so tired! She's been in her crib talking/whining for about 10 minutes (no crying or I'd have been in there!) I'm thinking I'll give her a few more minutes before I go in and try something else to get her to sleep. I'm really trying to get her to put herself to sleep these days, but it's hard for both of us. On my end, I miss rocking her to sleep and cuddling my lil baby... on her end she's so aware and wants to play all the time she just can't seem to relax some nights. Sometimes I can rock her for an hour (exaggeration) and she will barely blink. Other times she's knocked out cold after her bottle. The past two days have been super rough. Today she took an hour nap... still not enough so about 4:30 (after she refused her second nap vehemently) she started getting grumpy and tired and I knew I was in for trouble. Just like last night I had to put her to bed early and I really hate doing that because then she wakes up at the crack of dawn. Ugh. But when she's rested and in a good mood she's super fun and oh so cute! Like today I was brushing her teeth and I sit her up on the bathroom sink so she can watch in the mirror. Well I took off her socks to dip her feet in the water from the faucet (to distract her from being tired) and she put one sock in her mouth, looked at herself in the mirror and started humming and bouncing. It was too funny! She got a kick out of it too, the little comedian!
Abi is cruising all over the place lately and will walk while holding our fingers, she practically begs us to "walk her" lol. Hmmm.. I don't remember what else is new at the moment because I'm fairly exhausted from last night. I think I ought to go to bed now and get up after the first round of cries (which I'm sure will come around 1 like last night) and do homework or something. Bed now sounds good... zzzzzzz Oh yeah, some pictures of my sweet little one year old!

Can't you just hear her giggling!?!?

Signing "more"!!

"what chu doin' daddy?"

She reallllly wanted us to open this so she could play with it right away!

Getting tired after all the excitement!

Happy First Birthday Baby Girl!!!!!

I love you I love you I love you! Happy birthday my sweet baby! 12 month stat post to come, but I have lots of homework to catch up on tonight and tomorrow so it might be a few days...

Until then...

Pretty girl with her birthday board!

Tutu cute.. :)

Loving her balloons!

Little miss and other news

So we have less than a week until Abi's first birthday. Wow. Just... wow. Where has this year gone!?? So just a little update on her new skills  she is pointing at everything, especially things she'd like to see more of like our pictures on the wall. It's so cute but can be so frustrating because eventually if I don't get her the "right" thing she gets upset. She is crawling on her hands and knees much more now and is pulling to stand and cruising furniture almost like a pro. I am in no hurry for her to walk because that means more bumps and bruises and crying, but she's getting there really quickly! She now has 4 teeth, her two bottom middle and her two canines have poked through. She looks like she has little fangs! lol. Oh and today we've decided lil miss has a citrus sensitivity. Today was the second time I have given her anything citrus (pineapple, but only like two tiny pieces) and about an hour after we put her to bed she threw up. About a week ago I gave her a navel orange (all cut up of course) and she threw up that day too. The only other connecting food was chicken and she's had lots of chicken before so I don't think that's it. .. Which means that we have to lay off on the yummy citrus for a while. I'm calling her dr tomorrow to make sure we don't need to bring her in for a check up just to be sure... but we're pretty sure citrus is the culprit. I feel so awful for giving it to her and making her sick!!!!!!! :(

In other news, I have finally finished my STNA class. We had two days of clinicals this weekend and they didn't go quite as bad as I had thought they would. Except that my feet and knees are KILLING me! I hurt so bad, I'm so grateful that I'm going into a field where I won't be standing forever!

Currently

Currently

I'm trying something new and "linking up" lol.

THIS WEEKS THEMES:

WATCHING, CRAVING, LOOKING, LOVING, PLANNING

Watching: Jon and Kate Plus 8. I am addicted and have been for a very long time. Thank goodness for Netflix so I can watch it over and over again! lol

Craving: Chocolate. Anything sweet really, but there are these dark chocolate covered Peeps that are just to die for and they come out this time of year but I haven't been able to find them and it makes me so sad! I guess it's okay though because last year hubby bought an entire box when he finally found them!  So I'm sure he and I have both eaten our fill!

Looking: around my apartment wondering what else I need to do before tomorrow. Abi is getting her first visit from a group called Help Me Grow. She was a little behind at her 9 month appointment with her gross motor skills (nothing major) but her dr wanted me to contact this agency to see if she might benefit from some extra help. They actually said she was fine, but recommended she get 6 months (instead of a year) of work with a pt and I think they are sending someone else, don't remember who. Just as an extra boost to help me help her to do the things she should be doing. It's mostly because her ankles are weak. .. but now she's crawling on hands and knees and pulling to stand so well, I'm not sure they'll even be here every month, lol!

Loving: my sweet baby girl and my handsome hubby more and more every single day! I am not loving my lack of motivation to do homework... this is the 4th day I've put it off. That's going to come back and bite me!

Planning: Abi's birthday party, and planning on going to bed soon. That's about all I've got for this one, lol.

And I don't know how to get the button thing to work.. gee I'm so not as tech savvy as I used to be!      

While I have a moment...

Abi is taking one of her long naps today, going on 2 1/2 hours (minus a few times when she woke up and was talking to herself) so I'm going to get somethings off my chest...

Ali, a fellow mommy and blog pal I follow wrote a very poignant post the other day about being emotional over the thought of weaning her daughter. Let me just say that as I read it I sat here and bawled my eyes out. It's like that any time I ready anything about breast feeding these days. Poor Abi was in her jumper staring at me like I was crazy because I was crying and I don't think she knew what to do. Any way, I cried because I haven't breast feed since August... I haven't given Abi breast milk since the end of September... and that makes me feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like I gave up trying too soon, like I should have and could have done more to keep what little I was giving her flowing so that she at least had some breast milk until her first birthday... Which was my goal. It was a big goal, but then I tend to set largely unattainable goals for myself and really beat myself up when I fail. This isn't just failing me though, I feel like I've failed my family. We spend so much on formula because I couldn't exclusively breast feed... Abi had to be supplemented from 2 weeks on... and let me tell you I am still so mad at our first pediatrician for scaring me into that. But I also know it's not entirely her fault. Then of course I'm failing the most important person in the world, my little Abi by not giving her what's best for her.  And now I'm sitting here crying again for the millionth time over this. I know right now I'm over emotional because it's *achem* that time of the month, so the tears are flowing a lot harder than normal.. but I still get upset when I think about it at other times as well. Why can't I let this go? Why can't I get over the fact that I was not able to exclusively breast feed and that I am now done with it and haven't done it for a few months and can't go back? I still have my snuggle time with Abi, just us before naps and bedtime. I don't know... I think I should bring it up to my dr or something because this has been a reoccurring almost depression kind of funk that I get myself into. It doesn't stop me from enjoying Abi or eventually having fun, except for the time it takes to cry and such... I just ... ugh I wish I had words to express this feeling... And it doesn't help that I really don't have many people to talk to. I think that after Abi was born everyone just sort of got upset that I wasn't coming around or asking them to come over to meet Abi (well, duh! I just had a baby I was not up for much company or to go anywhere) and now many of my friends have stopped talking to me altogether. Even my mommy friends are so busy we don't really talk anymore, even over Facebook. Then at school, the group of friends that I have are all single with no kids. Go figure. There's 4 of us who regularly sit together/hang out in school.. the rest of the 10 students all hang out.. a lot. And they go out on weekends and "party"... mind you, some of them, a lot of them have kids too... Where do they find the time to go anywhere? Have I been that busy with Abi and school that I've put everything else so far out of my mind that I can't even find a way to have a couple of hours to myself? I'm still socially awkward, and I never used to be... even with the girls I call my friends at school. The only people I'm ok around anymore are hubby and Abi... and that's not good. Well, It's not healthy anyway. I just don't know how to break away from this mindset. Not to mention that I have nowhere to go and no one to go with (except hubby and Abi) I keep telling myself that things will get better when Abi gets older, but by then I will have lost all my friends and I don't know how to make new ones anymore. And don't even get me started on the fact that I'm going to be 30 this year. I don't feel like I'm 30. I don't feel like that much of an adult, if that makes sense. I mean, when I was 20, 30 was so old. I have grown up a lot in the past 10 years, but I still want to goof around and have fun... I still think like I'm 24 and have fewer responsibilities than I actually do. That doesn't mean that I fluff off my responsibilities, just that I wish I could. "Adults" don't think like that, do they? Or rather responsible adults don't. I don't know. *Sigh* I need a vacation. Or a good therapist. Or both.


 (I know, I keep talking about the same things from time to time. I apologize for the redundancy.)

So now that I've got that off my chest, here's something to end this on a brighter note:

Abi in daddy's ball cap. Look at that tummy! lol

Don't know what this was about, but they sure are happy!