I am so confused as to how mothers have time to do anything. On the rare occasion that Abi sleeps longer than 20 minutes during a nap it feels like a holiday. This past week I've been off from school and amazingly she's taken at least an hour nap in the late morning every day. But what do I do during those precious naps? Wash bottles or just veg. I don't want to do any studying even tho I've got a mid term today, a test Monday and a quiz Tuesday. I'm totally spent because in addition to Abi being sick, she's also been increasingly clingy and I believe the seperation anxiety has finally struck big time. I can't leave the room for more than a minute without her spazing. Even when we are in the same room, she'll only entertain herself for a little while before freaking out. Its crazy. I wonder if she's like this all day at daycare... that scares me. I don't want my poor baby crying like that all day. I actually haven't heard her cry like that at home in sooooo long.. and now she's doing it daily. Often. It makes me feel so bad for her and myself, and after a week of it I'm so ready for a break from her... and that makes me feel like the worst mother ever.
This weekend Abi would wake herself up coughing. I mean really coughing hard core. But she was just at the dr and had been fine. A little reddness in her ears, phlemy lungs but no cough. Well it came back with a vengence and she got very little sleep because of it. Hubby and I took turns trying to comfort her, and I got very little homework done due to crying along with my sick baby. (Pms is a biotch add that to feeling realllly bad for my poor baby and its a recipe for nothing but tears) and this is to be continued because little miss is up early from her nap......
Picking up from earlier... I feel awful for leaving my baby at daycare and actually feeling a little relieved. I needed to finish a paper (that was due a week ago!) and print it out and I still need to finish studying for my midterm (procrastinating? who me?) But it's kind of nice to just relax for a minute and not be anticipating the next scream. I hate hate hate that I feel that way. I love my baby. I know and keep reminding myself that she's only this little for such a short time. But even hubby mentioned yesterday that he kind of can't wait till this phase is over. This from the man who had just worked two 12 hour shifts, who didn't even see Abi awake yesterday. Needless to say I gave him a dirty look. He drives me batty sometimes with the things he says. I love my husband. I really really do. He's the most wonderful man I have ever met. That being said, he's also the sole provider for our family right now while I finish school and take care of Abi. And he works hard. I know this. But for him to say anything about how difficult Abi is being lately, when he's not even home with her 90% of the day? That irks me. He is home for her most difficult period, the few hours before bedtime when she's just tired and done with the day. But he gets to see her happy morning self on the weekends. So he know's she's not always crabby (except for lately.) I don't know....
I just don't understand how any new(ish) mom has time to do anything for themselves. Especially stay at home moms. I did it for 5 months and it was great, for the most part. But now that Abi is older and going through whatever phase it is she's going through, I find myself just wanting to go back to sleep. How awful is that!?! Of course when she naps, it's for such a short time that I cannot unwind enough to sleep with her. Then there's the screaming. Oh yes, the screaming is back. And it's not just when she's upset, she screams in delight too. Which is funny, and ear piercing. Ouch. She's also back to doing the back bending when she's upset or hungry or tired or gassy or anything not happy. Which drives hubby nuts. Which prompts me to remind him that she's just a baby and doesn't know any better yet. But it drives me nuts too. I used to have very little patience.. I still don't think I have much patience to be honest. But I'm wondering if I have more than hubby when it comes to Abi. I found this quote on Pinterest, it goes something like "having a child is knowing what it's like to have your heart go walking around outside your body" And I do truly feel that way. She is my whole world right now. She is my heart. But I guess that a little distance from her isn't a bad thing... Every mom needs a break, right? I mean... I'm not superwoman. Although I'd love to be supermom someday....
This weekend Abi would wake herself up coughing. I mean really coughing hard core. But she was just at the dr and had been fine. A little reddness in her ears, phlemy lungs but no cough. Well it came back with a vengence and she got very little sleep because of it. Hubby and I took turns trying to comfort her, and I got very little homework done due to crying along with my sick baby. (Pms is a biotch add that to feeling realllly bad for my poor baby and its a recipe for nothing but tears) and this is to be continued because little miss is up early from her nap......
Picking up from earlier... I feel awful for leaving my baby at daycare and actually feeling a little relieved. I needed to finish a paper (that was due a week ago!) and print it out and I still need to finish studying for my midterm (procrastinating? who me?) But it's kind of nice to just relax for a minute and not be anticipating the next scream. I hate hate hate that I feel that way. I love my baby. I know and keep reminding myself that she's only this little for such a short time. But even hubby mentioned yesterday that he kind of can't wait till this phase is over. This from the man who had just worked two 12 hour shifts, who didn't even see Abi awake yesterday. Needless to say I gave him a dirty look. He drives me batty sometimes with the things he says. I love my husband. I really really do. He's the most wonderful man I have ever met. That being said, he's also the sole provider for our family right now while I finish school and take care of Abi. And he works hard. I know this. But for him to say anything about how difficult Abi is being lately, when he's not even home with her 90% of the day? That irks me. He is home for her most difficult period, the few hours before bedtime when she's just tired and done with the day. But he gets to see her happy morning self on the weekends. So he know's she's not always crabby (except for lately.) I don't know....
I just don't understand how any new(ish) mom has time to do anything for themselves. Especially stay at home moms. I did it for 5 months and it was great, for the most part. But now that Abi is older and going through whatever phase it is she's going through, I find myself just wanting to go back to sleep. How awful is that!?! Of course when she naps, it's for such a short time that I cannot unwind enough to sleep with her. Then there's the screaming. Oh yes, the screaming is back. And it's not just when she's upset, she screams in delight too. Which is funny, and ear piercing. Ouch. She's also back to doing the back bending when she's upset or hungry or tired or gassy or anything not happy. Which drives hubby nuts. Which prompts me to remind him that she's just a baby and doesn't know any better yet. But it drives me nuts too. I used to have very little patience.. I still don't think I have much patience to be honest. But I'm wondering if I have more than hubby when it comes to Abi. I found this quote on Pinterest, it goes something like "having a child is knowing what it's like to have your heart go walking around outside your body" And I do truly feel that way. She is my whole world right now. She is my heart. But I guess that a little distance from her isn't a bad thing... Every mom needs a break, right? I mean... I'm not superwoman. Although I'd love to be supermom someday....
First of all you are not a bad mom for needing a break! You have taken on a lot, you are busy being a mom, and a student and I'm sure trying to squeeze in a few wifey duties too.
ReplyDeleteMV has been going through a lot of this too. His naps are horrible, his morning nap is so quick I can't do anything other than pump and eat (if I'm lucky, today I didn't get either). Afternoon naps are hit and miss, if I sleep with him then it lasts about 2 hours... I'm hoping I can work myself out of that nap and he keeps sleeping.. I honestly have no idea what else to do to make him sleep longer.
He also had a really clingy couple weeks last month, major separation anxiety. It's getting better but from what I understand it's normal at this age.
Oh and the screaming... Ya I'm not sure what that's about but it happens here too lol
I have no advice, only reassurance that you are not a bad mom at all. Some people are not as open so it only feels like we're alone in feeling this way <3
Thanks, it's good to know I'm not alone. Although I wouldn't wish feeling like this on anyone else! But it's also good to hear that what Abi is going through is normal. I mean, I've read that it is, but when you don't know of anyone else's kids who are going through it you kind of wonder, lol. Wish I could help you with the naps.. If I happen to find something that works for us I'll pass it along and see if it helps you too! :)
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