So.. I lost my job...

Yeah, I got a phone call today from my department manager.. I'm apparently not progressing as fast as they think I should be, so they terminated my employment.. Without so much as a warning, or anything. I mean, I knew they could terminate without any reason, but I had hoped they would have at least given me the chance to bet better before just letting me go. I am so sick over all this. Where do I go from here? Who will hire me in my field if I've been fired? Even if it was for nothing, no one will want to hire me now. The job market is so scarce around here, I have had enough trouble finding a job, let alone with this riding over my head. I am wondering if this is something I am able to do.. If ultrasound is really something I want to do. I mean, I enjoy scanning OB, but I'm finding I don't really like anything else. Unfortunately there's no way to get into full time OB without a shitton of experience.. Can't get that without doing all the rest. But can I wade through it all to get to where I want to be, or is it all for naught? I just don't know... I don't know anything anymore.

Update

So I started my new job Monday, yay! But so far I've just been in orientation and then training on our brand new machines (they are awesome!) Today I week start scanning patients and I'm so excited!

I'm on day 51 of my cycle... I have no idea what's going on... I don't know if I should bring it up to my dr or just let it go since w aren't officially "trying" yet... so does it matter? Depends on who you ask... ugh.

Nothing yet..

Grr... there are so many things going through my head right now I don't know where to begin. I finally got my start date for my new job, I've been a poas addict with all BFN's (even longer story here, the short version is I'm not sure I've ovulated yet which means all that testing is for nothing.. I'm not sure right now is the best time for a baby anyway.. I was scanning myself (ultrasound) and it looks like my ovaries are enlarged, which could mean potential PCOS. I don't even want to go there... )

2ww

Ahhh... The two week wait... Why did I think it would be any more bearable this time around...not to mention I am so out of practice with tracking my signs and such.. Oy. I have a little over a week left and I'm itching to start testing already.. This is going to be a very long week....

50 Shades of F'd Up

So as you might have guessed from the title, I have been reading 50 Shades of Grey. I got it from hubby for my birthday (well, I got an Amazon gift card to use on books for my kindle, him knowing full well that this was one of the books I wanted to read) I am not usually one to get into the hype of things and I don't read books when they first become popular, first was Harry Potter.. I didn't start reading them until after I had seen the first movie, and after book five was out for a while. Then with Twilight, I hadn't heard anything about it really, then something on the internet caught my eye so I looked it up. Most, if not all of the books were out buy the time I bought the first one.. and I read the first chapter and put it back down for about a month before trying again. It was just too slow for me in the beginning.. I liked all those enough, Harry Potter much more than Twilight, but I liked them enough to reread them several times. Imagine my disappointment when I began reading the 50 Shades book only to draw some very unsatisfying conclusions.

First; while knowing the series started off on a Twilight fan fiction site, I did not realize the blazing resemblance between 50 Shades and Twilight. Sure, there's more sex, but mostly there's this guy who's exceedingly beautifully handsome and this clumsy girl, who's younger than the guy, who regards herself as not pretty or beautiful.. and he falls for her. He likes to smell her (HELLO, Edward much!?) I've just hit chapter 17 so I'm sure I'll draw more comparisons soon.

Second; It is not very sexy to call your private parts your "sex" .. that is not exactly accurate anyway but I digress.. She'll say clitoris but eludes to "down there" or "there" then calls it her sex... Very unsatisfying and under developed.

Not to mention the naivete of the girl, she's a college grad and doesn't know she'd "stretch" during intercourse? Come on! It's a little far fetched, even for a virgin.

Third; And I am hoping this is just a Kindle edition issue, there are a LOT of misspelled words. Random words with extra letters, words that seem made up (and I have checked definitions on several.. no such words) It's all a little off putting, and it makes for a hard read.. even though it's not a hard read. Almost everything is very simply laid out (much like Twilight) as if it was written for a younger audience. Which, surely it was not. Not in the final edition.. It couldn't be, not with all that sex and bondage and contracts!

Fourth; Aside from some literary references and a few other words, the book seems very simply written. The context might be deeper, but the words are simple... or is it just me? I'm used to reading a lot of different types of things. Fiction, non fiction, youth novels (some of my favorite are the Giver series) lots of anatomy and physiology books lately, lol. The hardest book I have ever read is Wicked. That is a very hard read and it took me forever to get through it, but it is a very good book. 50 Shades seems to me like it wants to be a good book, it just seems to be stuck between too simple with the structure and too complex with the BDSM theme.

Finally; how many orgasms can a gal have? Oh that's right more than one, but Ana's are a little excessive and happen far too easily. Not to mention, they have sex twice, in such quick succession? Grey is like the perfect guy in that aspect, but (in my experience) guys aren't ready to go again so quickly and if by chance you get a second go around it's usually to finish what was started with the woman (who most likely did not reach climax the first time) Just being realistic. I know that many of these books are about fantasy, but sometimes they can get a little too off base for me. If I want that unrealistic, I'll read one of my Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter books. Further into the series all she does is basically have "amazing" physical and metaphysical sex with multiple gorgeous men. Multiple times a day. Talk about unrealistic. Not to mention they are either vampires or shapeshifters.

I like it enough to keep reading, I find myself almost as engrossed in the story as in my other adult novels. And it's not that bad, it's just not exactly what I was expecting. All that darned hype that I don't usually get caught up in.. yeah, it got me this time. lol.

Hurry up and wait

So I got that job, right? And I have yet to be called by HR to set up orientation.. I've been told that their is one person in charge of contacting all of the new hires and that it takes about 2 weeks for her to get everything together before contacting them.. I'm anxious and a bit frustrated. Hubby thinks I'm being ungrateful for what I have, and I'm not trying to be. But I'm excited to get started and it's starting to feel like it's all been a dream. I have confirmation that I'm going to receive an "official" offer, but until then I'm still in limbo.

Anyway a few updates not pertaining to my job.. Abi has been a very moody little girl lately. It seems like the smallest things will set her into a crying fit. And she's back to only wanting me again. It makes me sad that hubby has to sit there and watch her cling to me like he's not her parent too... He acts like he's okay, but I know that deep down it's hurting him to see that he's not even in the running for favorite parent. Not that there should be favorites! But you know what I mean. Right? But in all the negative, there is always a ton of positive. Abi is such a little ham, always making us laugh. She loves playing with her barbies so much, she barely plays with her other toys. It's funny in a way, but I'm kind of regretting getting her barbies so young.

A what?? A JOB!

So I got a call on Tuesday that one of the major hospitals in my area is actually interested in hiring me! (This is one of the two recent I had applied to) The manager officially offered me the job and told me HR would be calling me to set up orientation. He wasn't sure how long it would take them though, because "things have been running at a snails pace".. and I haven't heard from them yet. I'm getting antsy because I volunteer Mondays and I don't want to leave them out in the cold for a sonographer if I get a call early Monday to be there asap. I'm very excited, but a little put out that they aren't more professional about all this. It's all a frustrating hurry up and wait kind of thing but... at least I'm going to be working and finally using my degree! It's only a contingent position which means I'll be taking mostly call (1am I get called to come in to work.. then again at 2 and 4am... mostly weekends blah) but it's where most of us have to start off to have any sort of career down the road. Works for me!