Title???

I have no idea what to title this post because I have not written anything in so long that my post is likely to become such a garbled mess of updates that one single title could never do it justice. Lets begin with this; I'm back on Weight Watchers. We'll see how long this lasts. I don't know why, but I have had absolutely no motivation to lose weight until recently. I've tried and failed so many times this year that it's just sad. I talk big, but I can't seem to follow through. Then my hubby said that he doesn't even want to discuss having another kid until I've got my weight and health in a better place. He wasn't being mean, he was just being concerned. I know that at my current weight a pregnancy would be very bad. Not only did I have gestational diabetes with Abi, but I was quite a bit lighter.. a heavier momma can mean a very unhealthy pregnancy and I can't do that knowing what could happen. So I guess that is my motivation.. even though I'm not entirely sure I want another kid. There are days when Abi is so amazing and cute and fun and funny and I would take 5 more of her.. Then there are nights when she wakes up screaming and I get zero sleep and I swear that I will never have anymore. It's not her fault, she's my baby and I am here to comfort her. But I love my sleep too! And if we have another kid I will be the one not sleeping again. Josh won't be getting up, partly because I'll have to get him up, partly because me having to get him up will mean I'm awake and won't be able to go back to sleep anyway. Boo. See? These are the selfish things that go through my mind.. how awful.

I've been obsessing about the Gilmore Girls lately. I love that show and thanks to hubby we own every season, so whenever I can I have been watching. I'm up to season 4 in just a few weeks. LOL What I need to be doing with my free time is studying as I have 2 registries to take and pass so that I can get a nice job. I only have to take one to become credentialed as RDMS (registered diagnostic medical sonographer) but I am taking both to make myself more marketable. I'm really vying for a position at a maternal fetal medicine department... which means yet another registry, but it's one that I was hoping to get anyway. Anyway, I really should be studying and I keep putting it off... and I need to send my paperwork in so that I can actually schedule my first test.. hopefully for the beginning of August. Scary thought. But I can't keep waiting, my last interview didn't go so well and I am pretty sure it's because I'm not yet registered.

Sigh... I will have to write a part two to this... who knows when, hopefully soon... but my eyes are burning from staring at the computer so long (looking for work) Thanks if you made it this far! :)

Foods

I've been meaning to write this for a time... I'm trying to eat better and I thought maybe if I kept posting my favorites I would find some motivation to keep going... I am terrible at following a "diet" plan of any sort these days... I'm just in a lazy/emotional/not into it slump. How awful. But... These foods help remind me that better for me food does still taste good! 

Graduation and some catch up

Today is my college graduation. I am not going because when I got my massage diploma certificate I went to that graduation and it was not very fun. This time around is from a much larger school and it will be late (starts at 6:30pm) which means it will run past Abi's bedtime, and going without my family just doesn't sound enjoyable. I never went out with the girls in my program, except for a few, to lunch, once. I have put my family first before any and all social activities since Abi was born and I'm now realizing that has had a huge negative impact on me. I'm very socially awkward, even seeing friends from high school, whom I interact with on Facebook is strained and uncomfortable in person. So sad. Part of that is my plummeting self esteem... I've gained 50lbs since having Abi... Yikes! I'm very close to my heaviest weight again and I just hate myself for letting it get this bad. The thing I've realized though is that I'm addicted to food. I've caught myself eating when I'm not even hungry. Every time I eat something salty I immediately want something sweet, and vs. versa. It's insane. But I've also realized that I hide my bad food choices from my husband in the same way my mother hid her drinking from my grandparents and my uncle hid his painkillers. I'm supposed to be on weight watchers but I haven't logged in in a few weeks. I get defensive when my husband asks me about it, and in a way it makes me want to hide my eating from him even more. What the hell is wrong with me? I think that now that I've realized this might actually be an addiction I'm going to talk to my counselor and see if she has any methods to help me get away from this food-food-food mentality. I may even try hypnotism. My mom has lost 130lbs in the past year, and while she's got lots of saggy skin, she still looks amazing. I want to look amazing again. I want to have more energy to play with Abi and keep her active too. I want my daughter to see me eating better foods, because now she wants to "bite mommy food" constantly. I had gestational diabetes and I really don't want to become a diabetic, but I know I'm on that road... and I can't seem to stop myself. I now understand why there are people in this world who are 500 and 600lbs. I have  a strong family history of addiction so I've kept my alcohol consumption in check and I don't experiment with anything illegal, and never have. I've been on the straight and narrow as far as the "addictive" vices because I didn't want to become an addict like so many in my family. Sadly it would seem, I am actually an addictive personality... and my vice is food. I have got to get a handle on this before it's too late. I haven't even admitted this to my husband yet, but I had to get it out. I can't talk to my mother, she will tell me to stop being lazy (which is no help) and we both just get defensive when we talk anyway. Anyway, I'd better get back to cleaning up this house.. it has been neglected with me being in school and my husband being on shift..

I passed!

So in order to become registered in ultrasound you have to pass a minimum of two tests; one is physics and the other can either be in abdominal imaging or ob/gyn. Well, today I took and PASSED my physics registry.. hopefully the hardest of them all! I was so nervous and sick to my stomach going into the test center, but man once I got the "you passed" paperwork, I felt light as a feather leaving.

(this was from March 29th... I've been holding off posting this because I was going to write a lot more but... I cannot remember what that was anymore! LOL)

2 years old

Abi will be two in less than two days. Where has the time gone? My baby isn't a baby anymore .. She's such a big girl that she doesn't even want me to sing to her at bed time anymore. :( since when did two turn into fourteen? 

My big girl showing off her fashion sense. 

I rarely get a non blurry pic these days, lol

Flash backs to my baby baby

MIA as usual...

Things have been happening so quickly around here that I hardly have time to write anymore. Little miss Abi is currently sick with the WORST case of croup she's ever had and I am thanking my luck that I have had a 4 day weekend to take care of her. Our house is pretty much set up the way it's going to be for a while and yet our basement is full of unpacked boxes. School is winding up again for my last semester and I am so so so ready to graduate already! I really like the hospital I'm at now with the exception of one tech who doesn't seem to really care .. but she's pregnant so I'm blaming that and not believing that she really hates me. I have gained 10lbs since October.. yikes! Got to get into some sort of healthier cycle here or I'm going to end up with some serious health issues. This is the heaviest I've ever been.. I'm up about 40 lbs from what I was after having Abi.. not good. Speaking of Abi, she's a little sweetheart who's constantly surprising us with all that she understands/knows/thinks/says! Her vocabulary has exploded and she knows things now that I hadn't even realized she knew! Like for instance, what a yo-yo is since we don't have any. She was up all night last night coughing and not being able to breathe because of the croup and so I was up with her.. so I'm going to end this post now before I write a novel and end up not sleeping again (because that's exactly what would happen) and not to mention that I just heard her crying.. it's going to be a long night anyway. I miss writing, hopefully I'll be back soon!

What do you serve?

Well since we offered to have my mom, step dad, sister-in-law and nephews over for Christmas this year I've been thinking... what the heck do we serve?!?!? I've never done Christmas at my very own place before and I want it to be perfect. I've got a few cute things for the table where we'll serve the food (table cloth, Christmas plates etc) but I have no idea what to cook.. Theres' the usual, ham or turkey.. then my family has always made my Polish grandmother's lemon soup (recipe to follow if you're interested, it's delish!) and potato salad, potato casserole, deviled eggs, cookies upon cookies, crab dip, relish tray (the usual party stuff) but I'm wondering if something different would be good this year to start our own family traditions. So what do you serve at your Christmas gatherings?


Lemon Soup:
1lb kielbasa
8-10 white potatoes
3-4 lemons (depending on how tart you want it)
salt&pepper
water
flour (to thicken)

Boil kielbasa in water until done, skimming fat off the top.
meanwhile wash, peel and cube potatoes
once kielbasa is cooked, remove from water and set on a plate.
add potatoes to boiling water and cook until tender
heat lemons in microwave about 20 seconds to help release juice
juice lemons and add to potatoes in water
add 2 Tbspn flour to 1/3 cup water (preferably in a shaker) and shake to combine
add to soup to help thicken
add kielbasa back into soup
pepper to taste, add salt if desired (not usually needed tho)

It's not everyone's cup of tea, in fact I never liked it until I became an adult (and unfortunately after my grandma died...) but now I love it! My husband loves it too... it's just too yummy!

This is what it looks like when it's done. Not too thick, not too runny. Lots of extra pepper for me.