7.7lbs gone!

I haven't even finished my first official week on my new eating plan and I'm already down 7.7lbs! This is very exciting and beyond motivating for me! I have eaten "outside of the box" a little bit. I had a bit of cheese, and a piece of bacon on tow separate occasions but overall I've been really good eating my food and drinking my shakes and so forth. Which is great for my first week. Especially for me. I keep thinking about other foods, kind of pining for them.. then I remind myself that this is not forever. I'm not going to be eating these same 15 entrees and shakes for every. I will myself to want it sometimes, but then I remember that this is for my long term health and for my family. Not only that, skinny feels way better than any of that food tastes in the moment. This is my new motto. That and, why blow so much money on their food and group meetings every week just to eat crap and gain weight anyway? Nope, not gonna happen. Not anymore.

I have no original title ideas! (weight loss journey)

SO, I have started a new weight loss plan through our local weight management center. It consists of eating provided foods (it's called HMR, or health management resources) in addition to 5 servings of veggies and fruit per day. I'm on day 1 and I'm hungry! But, I am going to do this. I have to do this. I will not fail, because they have huge support groups and meetings (kind of like weight watchers but more strict) Each week I'm expecting to lose 1-3lbs and that is huge. I'm hoping for more weight loss than that in the beginning because I'm not at all used to a restricted calorie diet. It includes shakes, which aren't horrible but don't keep me full very long. I'll work through this because I have to for my health and so that I can be here for a long, long time. Okay, all that being said, baby making is on hold for about 6 months while I get this under control. I "shouldn't" get pregnant while in this program because they will kick me out. Can't be on a low calorie diet while pregnant. Although, I would probably just talk to my OB and primary doctors about what I could do while pregnant... I still don't want to risk it in the first few months of trying to shed these lbs.

I haven't told anyone but the nurse and my husband this.. but yesterday when I did my weigh in... I was 289.7 lbs. HOLY COW. I'm only 5'4'' so you can imagine that this does not look good on me. What the heck have I done to myself? When I had Abi, I got down from 213 to 195 lbs. So in 4 1/2 years I've gained almost 100 lbs. Oh. My. Gosh. But I'm done. Done eating like crap, done making excuses... done feeling like garbage. So this is it.. this will be my moment. This plan takes away almost all decisions on food and makes eating to live more attainable. I have at least 100 lbs to lose, if not more, but I am going to concentrate on small goals at a time. Mini milestones. One pound at a time and I will someday be back to a healthier place. Seriously though, this is it for me. I cannot go back, because all that is there is diabetes, heart disease, etc. I want another baby.. I want to be able to play with my kid more than just sitting on the floor. This is how I'm going to do it. The HMR plan isn't forever, there's too much extra "junk" in the foods for it to be forever. But it was not designed as a forever diet. It is a rapid weight loss solution, along with weekly meetings and counseling so that I can learn (relearn) how to eat properly, healthfully and defend my weight loss. I'm hungry, but excited for this change. I was nervous, because I knew I'd be hungry but I don't have to be. I can eat more of the foods they allow, because they have a "more is better" approach. As long as I eat the allowed foods and stay "in the box" I will lose weight. We'll see. But I know there's a learning curve in the beginning. And I'm going to embrace it, eat in the box, and next week we'll see how much I've lost. Because I will lose this weight, come hell or high water. It's like my own dark passenger (ever watch Dexter? It's not that dark, lol) and it's no longer welcome here anymore.